"Transformation isn't sweet and bright. It's a dark and murky, painful pushing. An unraveling of the untruths you've carried in your body. A practice in facing your own demons. A complete uprooting before becoming." -Victoria Erickson
8 months ago I was on a beach in Mexico, listening to the waves crash against the jetty, with a margarita in my hand and my best friend and husband by my side, and I came to the incredibly painful realization that I needed help.
For more than six years I had already been on a journey of physical and internal transformation. I'd finally overcome infertility and became a mama, I lost 55 pounds and stepped way out of my comfort zone by falling in love with the outdoors and pushing my body to its limits with running. I'd become a fitness professional and part of a tribe of strong, confident women who empowered me to want to live life as my best self....
And let me tell you, I felt like a failure no matter what I did. The finish lines I crossed, or certifications I got, or how successful I was with my business...I never felt good enough. I felt like a failure as a wife, a mother and a leader. That's life with anxiety and depression, two conditions I had been living with undiagnosed for quite some time.
You're heard me say it before but I'm going to say it again. This journey that I'm on? It's about so much more than a bikini body or getting the perfect selfie on the beach, it's bigger than finishing an 8 week workout program. This journey is about knocking down barriers, giving fear the middle finger, learning to live with intention and without regret and just soaking in every experience I possibly can, recognizing that we only get one shot at this life and I want to be the best possible wife, daughter, mother, friend, and Megan I can be. It's learning to love and constantly remind myself that I am enough.
Are you ready to join me on this difficult but immensely rewarding quest? My next transformation challenge starts after the holidays and I have a space for you, girl. Shoot me a message or connect with me using the link in my bio. I can't wait to hear from you. ❤️
“There must be quite a few things a hot bath won't cure, but I don't know many of them. Whenever I'm sad I'm going to die, or so nervous I can't sleep, or in love with somebody I won't be seeing for a week, I slump down just so far and then I say: ‘I'll go take a hot bath.’”— Sylvia Plath, “The Bell Jar”
Hey, this is my first post, so I’d like to introduce myself. I’m an almost twenty one year old female with severe depression and anxiety. Sometimes, I feel like my world is just spinning and spinning, like things will never get better. I don’t necessarily want to be societies definition of perfect, but how I wish to be beautiful. I’m not diagnosed with body dysmorphia, but I also have never opened up about it, and I genuinely think it’s something I struggle with. I try not to compare myself to beautiful girls I see around me, but it’s hard. I’m also in love with someone I probably won’t ever call mine. I just feel myself digging deeper and deeper into this hole and I really don’t know how to stop it or turn myself around. I need a light again. So badly.
From my book: WAYS TO STOP KILLING YOUR SOUL ✨ available for purchase ✨LINK IN BIO 👉 Ways to stop killing your soul #11 • I was a "parentified child" - a child that was given too many responsibilities and exposed to too many adult issues and concerns before my age allowed me to be able to carry them or even understand them •• adults around me placed their worries and dread and hurt and problems on my shoulders •• I grew up constantly feeling like I had to handle things and have an answer, that if I let my guard down, everything would fall apart and it would be my fault, and my value would be gone ••• it ruined my early adult years as I thought I had the answer for everything, would try to control everything around me, including the feelings of the people around me • it took a lot of reflection, admitting, blaming, understanding, and then healing and letting go to shed the cloak of fear/control I had worn so long •• #tips#stop#advice#selfhelp#selflove#selfcare#healing#heal#reflect#control#controlissues#fear#anxiety#trauma#abuse#childhood#livefully#selfworth#freeyourself#letitgo#moveon
One of the best practices I have for growth in my life, and to move away from things that no longer serve me is learning to allow for introspection.
We so often get sucked into certain cycles, mindsets, patterns because they’ve worked for us to some extent in the past. But then in that default mode we overlook what may no longer be working. We get stuck in our lives not knowing why we keep turning to that food, person, or experience even when it causes harm. .
That’s why I’ve found it helpful to take the time to create space where I can get real with myself. Having a regular practice where I review my thoughts and actions to see if they’re aligned with my values and goals. Or whether I really know what it is I truly value. Also examining what are those things holding me back, including unhealed wounds/traumas whether mental or physical.
Going on retreats where you can give yourself that space to intentionally work it out is great, but you can also find communities and spaces like I found @selfrealizationfellowshipdfw to make it a regular practice. And if you can’t make it there, you can just do it at your home everyday writing it out, having a mindfulness practice, or movement practice that ties the mind body together like #yoga .
When you do that see how much your life will change in realizing all the possibilities available to you. .
May we all be happy, free, at peace, and have the life we truly want. 🙏
Day 11 of #myspiritofyoga 16 day #yogachallenge
Pose: #warrior2 / #VirabhadrasanaII
Limb: #Asana or #physicalpostures
Asana is what brought me to yoga. In fact, it’s probably what brought most to yoga, and many only practice this. I use asana for movement of the body to help stay in shape, stretch my fascia, and to find some relaxation and peace. It all depends on the day, really.
I always aim to practice at least ten minutes a day to myself, and am slacking on attending group practice. I find more peace from attending group classes, and this is on my agenda for this week on.
With clients, I use asana (physical postures) as a way to work through issues that aren’t ready to be discussed. Moving the energy through the body to let go of old habits. I also help my clients find pain relief and build strength through the physical practice of yoga.
My goal on this account is positivity, so please excuse a little rant from me. Trich sucks. Holy cow it sucks. It consumes a ton of my time and makes me feel awful and disgusting. I’m terrified of people I care about finding out that I pull out my hair, and thinking I’m gross or weird. It’s hard, and I’m sure a lot of you can relate to what I’m feeling. I’m scared one day I won’t have any hair left. I’m scared for the day when I can no longer hide it. It’s really sad that I, and others have to feel this way. We don’t talk about mental illness enough. I hope one day I can gain confidence in myself and own my imperfections and not be ashamed of my trich, because it doesn’t define me. And I want this same thing for every single person who also struggles with trichotillomania, or any other disorder which leaves you feeling insecure and bad about yourself. It’s gonna be ok. It’s important to keep loving yourself, and always loving others. We all could use a little love. -m💕 #trich#trichotillomania#hairpulling#inspirationalquotes#mentalhealthawareness#mentalillness#thatsthetrich#mentalheath#bfrb#selflove#anxiety#depression
I absolutely LOVE Christmas, I love the happiness that fills the hearts of children everywhere, I love the pretty lights, the festivities, the laughter and the LOVE, but there is and always will be the pain of missing her 🖤🖤🖤 #themostbeautifulchristmasangel
Wisdom Wednesday: Self Harm and Scars
Alright now before I get started shout out to a queen @moni_dear who shared this on fb and gave me something important to write about today. .
There are many types of self harm but today I am exclusively discussing cutting/burning and acts that leave bodily scars.
Summer is here (supposedly) so that means more swimming and, essentially, less clothing. When you are at the beach, visiting family or maybe seeing friends you haven’t in a while you may see some scars from self harm. Please refrain from staring and pointing them out to others and discussing your supposed “tea” on why they’re there (that’s code for gossiping or being a cunt). .
Self harm is NOT a cry for attention. It’s a form of self punishment or an attempt to feel something and it’s addictive. I self harmed for a couple years and let me tell you stopping isn’t easy. Yes self harm can be shocking and scary to see and it’s upsetting but please try avert your eyes and treat us with self harm scars no different. .
If you know someone self harming and you are close with them or you know the individual doesn’t have a huge support system please express your concern privately and not in a “fuck you why would you do this that’s so selfish” way. Listen to them. Say you’re there for them and mean it. If they don’t want to discuss it at that time don’t push them but ask them if they will give you what they are hurting themselves with eg razor, glass, craft knife and be supportive. Times when people are at their darkest and most irritating is usually when they are the most likely to hurt themselves so be there. Note that this is within reason - you cannot help someone when you aren’t well yourself.
To those with scars: Please don’t be insecure or embarrassed of them. There is nothing wrong with them. Don’t let them stop you from wearing or doing what you want to. Allow yourself to feel that initial terror as you wear them publicly for the first time, allow yourself to be confident in them and allow yourself to be more than someone that has or does self harm because everyone is so much fucking more than that.
in a world filled with speed, hustle, and chase - where does one find calm?! the one logical dependency that always feels realistic; yet stillness continues to float further and further away with each step towards serenity. ▪️▪️▪️▪️▪️▪️▪️▪️▪️▪️▪️▪️▪️
isolation still sits at the top of the solution chart, my friend. it imposes detachment. it screams "i've had enough~I'm removing myself~please don't navigate into my personal space."
some days breathing absorbs most of my energetic bandwidth. on those days all I can do is focus on my conscious inhale. and conscious exhale. nothing else takes relevance. meals. work. family. friends. nothing. one of the reasons meditation has now prioritized itself in many lives. ▪️▪️▪️▪️▪️▪️▪️▪️▪️▪️▪️▪️▪️
the body is in complete and absolute stillness. no movement. just breathing. dissolving the invisible walls that awareness has built. the quieter you become, the more you can hear. ▪️▪️▪️▪️▪️▪️▪️▪️▪️▪️▪️▪️▪️
silence is never empty. it is filled with answers. whether or not you grasp those answers..is solely up to you. fall in love with quieting the mind. it helps me through a lot of my dark days. bringing awareness solely to the present. ▪️▪️▪️▪️▪️▪️▪️▪️▪️▪️▪️▪️▪️
flow away from the weight of yesterday. not focusing on any projection of tomorrow. simply drawing your awareness to this very moment. block any distractions that attempt to emerge. the external realm does not identify with you here. purity and protection meet you at the brink of clarity. simply allow your mind to be still - and feel the entire universe surrender. -c
ok. well i ate 14 calories over my budget technically yesterday (bc it’s right after midnight) so i think i should at least maybe do some crunches or something before i go to bed ? my mind is telling me to do it but my body is just too unmotivated. what do i do ?
An Open Letter To Anyone Struggling With Depression.
Would anyone really notice if you were gone? Would anyone care? Their lives would be easier without you and you wouldn’t burden them with your depressed feelings and sadness all the time. It takes a toll on them; you see their frustration. If you weren’t in their lives, they could move on. Time heals everything so they will be fine without you.
You couldn’t be more wrong. Your depressive thoughts led you to believe this. There is a big difference between what you think and the reality of your situations. Depression does this to all of us. It takes over our lives and makes us believe that everyone would be better without us. What depression doesn’t allow you to do is see the reality and truth of your relationships. Depression digs its claws into your emotions and turns them into dark, black thoughts of life without you.
Your depressive thoughts can’t win if you won’t let it. Be the one to change you. You have the power because you matter. Fight the depression because your future will be one to look forward to. Let your history be history and motivate yourself to create the future you want.
Follow me here @allridds
It’s been awhile since I’ve been here. This week has been full of stress, uncertainty, tears and worry (I realize it’s only Tuesday). I have a mind that just won’t quit but this place; The temple brings a peace to my heart and a stillness to my soul that I just can’t get anywhere else. Something I have been missing for far too long. ...
As I was sitting inside this beautiful place, the thought kept coming to my mind how grateful I am for my Savior. The atonement is real. It is powerful. Forgiveness can happen. Hearts can change. Healing is possible. And repentance is always positive. ...
Now matter how lost you feel you are, God loves you and he sees you. No matter how far gone down the wrong road you feel you may be, you can always make your way back, even if it’s one inch at a time. No matter how forgotten or lonely or unworthy or broken or pained or utterly hopeless you feel, the Savior of this world has atoned for that. He’s felt every pain; he’s carried every sorrow; he’s atoned for every sin. You are so loved. I know it. I feel it. Nothing you have done will ever change that. Your worth is infinite. Your value is eternal. And his love surpasses all this world has to offer. And my hope for you all is that you May find the peace this season that Christ can bring into your life.
Moment of truth. This all smiles bundle of energy you see posted suffers from depression.
I want to say seasonal as it worsens in winter but it is an everyday struggle intensified by this season.
For weeks I have struggled with lack of energy, increased sleeping and decreased energy.
I need Transform:20 like I need air to breathe right now. I need it like the sun I lack on a day to day now that the season has changed.
Ibtold myself it was back at it yesterday. Sluggish today but I am about to get into one of these preview workouts on #beachbodyondemand
For #Transform20 .
There is a 15 and 10 min option available which is perfect because I want to go back to sleep.
Its not much but its something to start my mind and body back after no workouts in 2 weeks its something. I think I may go back to Cize this week. Nothing gets me going like a good dance session!
What gets you back in line after falling off?
Tea Tree 💚
This blend is perfect for cleansing the skin and treating skin irritation and acne. It also purifies the air and promotes healthy immune function.
- Apply 1-2 drops to affected skin area.
- Add 1-2 drops to water and citrus drinks to promote healthy immune function.
- Add 1-2 drops to your facial cleanser.
- Add to fingernails and toenails after showering to promote healthy nail growth and maintenance.
- Add a few drops to a spray bottle to protect against environmental threats on surfaces.