Dear depressed mama, the sun will shine again I promise ! This was me at 15 weeks pregnant, I was just beginning to come out of big dark void !
Yes me, Neeley the girl that wears gratitude as an attitude on her on her sleeve .
Yes me, Neeley the women that had been trying to conceive with IVF procedures faithfully for 3 years with heartaches & failures, embracing different clinics & different drug protocols with a heart full of courage .
Yes me , Neeley the women who had been dreaming & visualising to become a mother since loosing my mother at 16 and continue the loving and nurturing bond she knew so well and missed
Yes me, Neeley the girl that had cried, prayed, chanted, conversed with my higher power, fallen to my knees to the floor many times reconnecting mind, body & soul .
yes me , Neeley. I had never felt so instantly vacuumed into a dark void the day I found out I was pregnant .
Severe depression had hijacked me, I became instantly numb to the sensations to my inner and outer world. It was a deeply vulnerable time of the soul as I felt I had been emotionally hijacked, feelings of guilt for feeling so empty at a time I thought I would be ecstatic with joy, I isolated because of the shame and lack of energy I had .
My beautiful friends would come knocking on my door with love, support and nutrition .
Mental health issues does run in my family, and as a previous depression sufferer I’m sure that I am susceptible to this condition . Researchers have shown that depression is associated with inflammation of the body, this was my 3rd time ( year ) taking high doses of synthetic hormones creating huge rises and humongous dips in estrogen and progesterone as I injected, took tablets and pessaries daily . So I think it’s very clear to say there was a huge inflammation in my body
I had to remind myself constantly.... this is not me, my soul is pure love as I fell to my knees reclaiming my body temple. This was a hormone imbalance creating a mood disorder due to the synthetic hormones supporting the miraculous creation of my little magic bean. But I was scared, that all these feelings were going to stay with me throughout my whole pregnancy CON’T>